Dear Benji

Dear Benji,

I know it’s been two years since we’ve spoken, but I needed to write you today. I have something to tell you. Seth and I were married yesterday. I thought you would like to know.

We were married at the large cathedral on Third Street. Do you remember it? Seth was so excited about it being available on our date – he thought it was just the perfect church for our wedding – I just didn’t have the heart to tell him that we once planned on having our wedding there. The cathedral wasn’t the only thing that reminded me of you these last few months. I tried so hard to make sure nothing would remind me of you on my wedding day that I was reminded of you even more. I had to stop and remember the plans that we once made so I could make different plans this time. I might as well have had the wedding that we once envisioned.

It was a lovely ceremony. The church was decorated beautifully with white flowers – lilies, carnations, and roses adorned the pews and the pillars (remember Dawn? She was my wedding coordinator and she did a marvelous job), and gardenias were arranged throughout giving the chapel a fragrantly delicious scent. Of course you remember that gardenias are my favorite flower. I still have that bottle of perfume you once gave me.

My bridesmaids were not at all embarrassed in their pale pink gowns. They looked elegant and sophisticated, not like the frou-frou bunnies at Charlotte’s wedding. In fact, I used her wedding as an example of what not to make my bridesmaids wear. The groomsmen, Seth’s brothers, also looked very classy in their black tuxes and grey cummerbunds. Aunt Margaret was there, too, crying the whole time, even at the reception. Miraculously, she was able to catch the bouquet through her tears. What she’ll do with it I don’t know. Every time a man asks her for a date she’s so grateful she cries and of course, that scares them off. She hasn’t had a “beau” since 1973 and it’s not likely she’ll have one again.

Oh, and guess what happened? Crystal got drunk at the reception and was picking up on every guy there – even the married ones! Not really a surprise, is it? She always has been fond of partying and boys. Now she probably won’t ever get married because she’ll never be able to settle on just one man. At least she’ll have offers.

My father walked me down the aisle. When we used to talk about getting married we thought maybe Uncle Paul would walk me down the aisle. Who would have known that my dad and I could ever bridge the gap between us and have a relationship again? You always tried to get me to talk to him and I always refused. But it’s because of you that I finally forgave him and now we are working hard to forge a bond.

I love Seth with all my heart and I know that marrying him was the right thing and I know we’ll be very happy together. But as I was standing there at the front of the church about to say I do, I couldn’t help but look out into the congregation and search for you. I knew you wouldn’t be there, but still I looked. I used to miss you so much I couldn’t breathe. Since falling in love with Seth that happens less and less, but the wedding just brought back such a rush of memories. I’m sure they will fade as I live my life with Seth and we have children and grandchildren and make our own wonderful memories together. That’s why I had to write you this letter. I just had to say goodbye.

I don’t know if you can get letters where you are. I’ll leave this letter here on your grave just in case. Maybe the words will reach you in Heaven – or maybe you don’t need words to know what’s in my heart. I’ll always love you, Benji. But I need to move on now.

Love always,

K